So I wrote back and said I would be interested, and thanked her for thinking of me. The next day, I emailed a letter of intent to the lady who sent the job posting to Anne in the first place. And within 5 minutes of sending off the email. the lady was calling my cell phone. We talked for almost an hour while Clementine took a nap. We talked about my experience, my education, our mutual contacts, and a little bit about what the Program Director would be responsible to do. And we set up an interview with the executive director of the school for the next day.
I took the interview, and besides feeling completely overwhelmed by the amount of work it sounds like they would need from me, I felt like it went really well. Two days later, I was offered the job. The next day, I accepted. And the day after that, I had my first meeting with the executive board.
And after all of that, I'm not exactly sure what I will be doing. And it's stressing me out. I know that I am called the Music Program Director for the West Valley campus of American Preparatory Academy. I know that the music program is a 3-hour after school program modeled after the el Sistema programs in Venezuela. I know that they are calling this program a "nuclous" of Sistema Utah. I know that this program is only in it's second year of existence. I know that the executives have big ideas of what they would like this program to become. And I know that there is a lot to do between where they are now, and where they would like to be. And all of that "lot to do" is my job.
I know that they want me to help them decide what curriculum to offer, and organize a schedule. I know that they want the program to be available for students k-12. I know that they want me to standardize curriculum for the program. And then recruit students to fill the program. And teachers to teach the program. And communicate with parents. And communicate with teachers. And communicate with the federal government about what we are doing with the grant money we are using to run this program. And probably I need to budget that money wisely for the program. And then I also need to observe teachers and make sure they are teaching the way the executives want them to teach. Which means that I need to learn how the executives want them to teach. Because they also want me to teach something too. I'm not sure what, yet. Maybe they want me to decide?
I guess I kind of do know what they want me to do. But I don't know if I know how to do that. And it's making me anxious.
I don't know how I feel about working full time. They know that I have a tiny daughter, and they are ok with me doing some of my hours at home. But I DO have to physically be there every day during the program, which is 3 hours after school every day. And that is right in the middle of prime private cello teaching hours. So I probably have to drop most (or all) of my private students. That makes me really sad because I feel like I have invested a lot in them. I really love most of them. And they are good little players. Not only that, but private teaching is the job where I feel most competent and qualified. And definitely the most experienced. And it's where I make the most money per hour. So deciding what to do about private teaching is stressing me out a little bit.
And then there is Salt Lake Community College. I already told them that because of this new position, I won't be able to teach Music In Culture in the fall. That is actually kind of a relief, because I have been stressing out all summer (but not doing anything about it) that I don't have any curriculum prepared. And now I'm off the hook. But since (I think I) eventually want to teach at the college level on a more permanent basis, it feels like taking a foolish step backward to drop classes I need to teach to get me the experience I need for the future. I've decided to stay on as an adjunct faculty to continue teaching the applied cello courses. I'm excited for this because it will be my only time during the week to really pull out my cello and do something with the degree that I spent 10 years earning. But I am also stressed about where I will fit those students into my schedule.
I put in my notice of resignation for the University of Utah Preparatory Division. As much as I love teaching my two little cellists there, I have been getting tired of being continually stepped on and looked over at that job. It was a big relief to push the send button on that email.
And then there is Clementine to think about. I LOVE spending time with her and watching her learn and grow. But there is another part of me that also loves the time that I get to spend away from home. The hardest thing about having only one car that is usually with Nathan at work is that Clementine and I are often stuck within a walkable radius of our home. And when it's really hot outside, we sometimes don't get out of the house for a few days at a time. And I start to get stir crazy! The idea of being able to spend a few hours a day away from home, using my professional skills, is really exciting to me. But on the flip side, it stresses me out because that means that Clementine will be with someone else. Right now, I'm reading a book called Bringing Up Bebe, about an American mother raising her children in France and observing French parenting vs. American parenting. She notes that this guilt for leaving my baby is a completely American idea. In France, mothers are totally fine to leave their children with nannies or at Day Care. And they don't feel like bad mothers for it. At this new job, I will be making enough money to pay for child care, but it feels paradoxical to go to work to make more money so that I can afford to pay someone to watch my baby while I go to work. I don't know. This author would say that I'm too American in my thinking, but I don't want to miss watching Clementine grow up. Good heavens, I'll only miss 3-4 hours of her every day. I'll be fine. But now the trouble is finding someone/somewhere to watch her.
Also, we are now considering buying a new car. Nathan will (hopefully) be working as a nurse starting next month, granting he passes the big ol' NCLEX exam. And I will need to commute to West Valley to do my thing. So unless we can figure out a very strategic transportation plan with drop offs and pick ups and busses and Trax, we might need a new car. Which is exciting. I would feel a lot more free. But it's also another big expense.
And we are still planning on moving to a new place soon-ish. So that's kind of stressful in the backish-middle of my mind. I feel like we can't really commit to deciding where to live yet until we know where Nathan will be working. I think the part that is the most stressful is the fact that we have to let it be up in the air for now. I just want to get everything in it's place.
Really, that's what this all comes down to. I know I'll feel better once everything is in it's place. When I know exactly what they want from me at this new job, and I am doing it, I will feel better. When I know whether or not I can justify teaching my private students on the side, I will feel better. When I know if Nathan will pass the NCLEX and where he will be working after that, I will feel better. When I know where we will live at the end of the year, and whether or not we will need a new car, I will feel better. When we have childcare all squared away for Clementine, I will feel better. And when I figure out if this career change is screwing up all of my previous notions about what I would be doing with my life in the future, I hope I'll feel better.
Actually, writing all of this out has made me feel a little bit better already.