New Thoughts for New Year

To truly and fully appreciate important things in life, it's a good idea to spend some time away from these things every once in a while.  Nathan, family, Michigan, cello... all good examples.  I won't see Nathan AT ALL in 2009.  Favorite Jim Halpert quote... "Lord, beer me strength!"

Simplicity is good.  I REALLY like the idea of Henry David Thoreau spending years on Walden Pond with only his life essentials.  I could seriously simplify and declutter my life.  Simplify stuff and time and priorities and emotional clutter.  I need to think of what's really important to me, and then only spend time, energy, money, etc. on those things.  I think that will help me be more happy... or at least less overwhelmed.  I also want to read Walden Pond this year.

"Love is work."  I need to work harder at things I love.  Music, for example.  Seriously.  

Reading scriptures and praying daily always makes life go better.  I don't know what it is... magic, or something.  But it's a brand of magic I need more of in my life. Daily.  

Some song snippets have been stuck in my head for a few weeks.  Maybe they subconsciously represent my state of mind at the close of 2008.  Perhaps I'll share them for reader speculation...

"I get by with a little help from my friends" -Beatles

"If I could walk on water, if I could tell you what's next, make you believe, make you forget" -Matt Nathanson

"Everything works in your arms"- Matt Nathanson

"We find the reason why, one step at a time"- Jordin Sparks

"Have I mentioned today, how lucky I am, to be in love with you?"- Last 5 years

"Conscious, deliberate mistakes..."- Last 5 years

"It's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea, but I'd rather be here than on land"- Stephen Speaks

"On and on and on my mind"- Kalai

"You don't need to worry, that's wasting time..." -Joshua Radin

"I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness, at once I'm at peace with myself"- Rascal Flatts

"It's not that we're scared, it's just that it's delicate"- Damien Rice

"And a happy new year, to all that is living.  To all that is gentle, kind and forgiving.  Raise a glass and we'll have a cheer.  My dear acquaintance, a happy New Year!"

Christmas and the Fabulous Phone Call

Merry Christmas!!  It's been a fantastic day... a much anticipated day!!  I haven't been this excited for Christmas since I was in elementary school.  And I wasn't at all disappointed.  

This is my Mom and me chillaxing after Christmas church on Sunday.  I like this picture and wanted to share it with the world.  It's been really nice to have some time to spend with my family, especially my mom, since I've been home.  Mom, I know I'm a piece of work sometimes, but I honestly love being here with you!!  Love you!

Christmas Eve threatened to be really lame... The customary Grandma B party was moved from Christmas Eve to the Saturday before Christmas, leaving this branch of the Beckstroms void of C-eve plans.  But frozen pizza and home made chips & salsa made a great Christmas feast, followed by board games and a mini call from the Elder Morris.  Just long enough to say when he'd be calling the next day.  As I was heading off to bed, I caught "Santa" filling up our stockings.  Good grief Dad, it wasn't even after midnight!!
And then it was ChRiStMaS DaY!!  I slept in, enjoyed a fabulous family breakfast, and had a blast gifting and receiving with the fam.  I gave these socks to my "secret sibling" Emily.  And I liked them so much that I bought some for myself too.  Thus making them the favorite gift that I both gifted and got.  Em likes them too.  :)
After the Beckstrom festivities, I headed over to the Morris household to visit with their fam.  Ok, ok.  And to talk to Elder Morris too.  It was good to see them all, and esp good to catch up with Terri.  

Frequent blog readers may wonder if I wear these yellow pants every day now.  Nope, only on my favorite days.  :)  This is me talking to Elder Morris for a hot second on the Morris phone.  Love.

This is a good shot of my new geek sweater that Santa brought for me this year.  I love it's grey cable knit baggy geekness.  It's so Jamilyn.  Santa, seriously.  Good choice!  The second Elder Morris phone call came around 9:30 pm, even though we had planned on 7:00.  I'm glad that he was busy out teaching the good news of the gospel, but the extra 2 and a half hours of  waiting anticipation caused me to burst into tears for the first 15 minutes of our conversation. BLAST!  After that, it was just like talking to my best friend... as if he never left.  We laughed and asked all sorts of questions and he taught me spiritual things and inspired me to work harder and be a better daughter of God.   He sounds so happy and mature.  I'm super proud of him.  Missions are such a good thing for our men!!  Those 40 minutes of uninterrupted Elder Morris will help me sail through 2009.  I'm sure of it.  

Yeah, a very good day.  An emotional day! 

I'm also excited that Santa brought me the 3 disc Anne of Green Gables DVD set, an adorable red tea pot, and rad new speakers for my lappy.  I'm really excited about the new purse from Taya and the lava lamp from Dave.  :)  What a blessed and lucky girl I am!  

But the most blessed and lucky because of the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ... the REAL reason that makes Christmas wonderful.  So, Heavenly Father, thanks for the gift of your son, thanks for the plan, and the opportunity to return home again.  Truly I am blessed!

Pictures I Stole From Nick

He calls it ten days in late autumn.  I call it crazy.  Unfortunately there aren't many pictures to show for Michigan Nick's great Utah adventure.  

We saw lights at Temple Square...

And ate at Cafe Rio... 
... and that's about it!  

Not really.  But I don't know what else to say about Dec. 13-19, 2008.   Definitely not anything I expected.  But certainly enjoyable.  

Met the fam

met the pals

made wonderful banana pancakes

and wassail

kicked my butt in Canasta 

spent hours in the cold

and enjoyed A Christmas Carol.

I hope it was worth the 3,073.2 miles on the BMW, man!  

Sheesh, what's a girl to think??

My Buddy and Me!

We can dance if we want to

We can leave your friends behind

'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance

Well they're no friends of mine!

I miss my dancing buddy.  Even as an elf, he's got better dance moves than me.  Merry Christmas Friends and fam!

Fall Goals Evaluation

This one's for you, Anne Francis, for making me into the OCD goal maker/evaluator that I am today.  

1. Cello 4 hours daily... oh man.  I feel like a freakin' Freshman again, cause for some reason this was REALLY HARD for me to do this semester.  And it's almost painful to admit this, cause I got SO GOOD at it during my time at USU.  I probably averaged 16 hours a week, which is pathetic.  This is something I'm going to have to tackle with increased vigor in spring semester.  Since I'm in grad school to get better at cello, I'd sure better practice it more!!!

2. Read My Textbooks... SUCCESS!  This goal wasn't as hard for me as I thought it would be.  With the classes I was taking, I pretty much HAD to read the textbook, or fail the class.  And so I read them.  And I learned a lot.

3. Get a 4.0 ... SO CLOSE!!!!  I've never never never gotten an A in a music theory class, and for some reason, I still couldn't pull it off this semester.  I got As in everything else, but a "BA", which I think is the equivalent of a B+, in my Music Theory Seminar about pitch classes and tunings.  3.88 isn't so bad, right?

4. Exercise 3X a week... yikes.  I think I consciously exercised maybe 3X the entire semester.  However, I DID climb the three flights of stairs to the music  library multiple times a day- and many of those times I was running up the stairs to not be late for class.  I NEED to do better next semester.  For my physical AND emotional health.  My body craves running.  And yoga. 

5. Be politically informed... this went well.  I feel like I stayed current with what candidates were saying and where they stood with issues. I watched debates and read official websites and pamphlets and talked with friends.  And I feel like I made a good choice.  Then I met Nick and found out I knew practically nothing about RonPaul...

6. Keep in touch with friends and fam... went well.  But I could still do better.  I didn't talk to Katie all semester long.  And that's a problem.  Also, Sister Folkner comes home from her mission on Friday and I didn't write her a single time since August.  I also didn't write a single letter to Sister Hafen, Sister Richards, Elder Bell, Elder Hesterman, or Elder Mitchell.  Pretty much the only missionary friend I kept in contact with is Elder Morris. 

7. Waste less time online... Went better.  In Kalamazoo, I don't have internet at my house, so if I want to get online I have to do it during school time.  Thus I didn't spend late night hours writing blogs or facebook stalking. BUT it did become a problem when I had papers to write and tests to study for.  The free wifi library became SUPER time waste zone.  

8. Find good in everyone... working on it and making progress all the time.  Elder Morris would be so proud.  

9. Work on my Midwest accent... going REALLY well.  Especially the more I hang out with Annalaura, or in the Minneapolis airport.  :)  I wish there were some sort of alphabetical notation to phonetically show what I'm saying here but- "Me and my mam are going to Meijer to buy some pap!"

It's been a good semester I think.  I need to work harder and take more responsibility for my own learning and progress.  I guess that's all part of being a grown-up now.  Spring goals coming soon...

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New Outlook

Sometimes life is crazy, no matter what you do.  You just can't control it.  

So this is me relenting control.  I'm just gonna go with the flow and see what happens.  

This is hard for me.  But also exciting and fun.

Jesse McCartney would tell me...

"Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress!"

Alright Jess, I'm giving it a try.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch...

So I'm back in the SLC.  Which is cool I guess.  There's just not a lot to do here without a cello and without a car and without many friends in town.  But I made a trip to the library and picked up a new book... it's called Prep.  I've only read one page so far, but I think I like it.  I also picked up a recording of Tchaik Symphony #4 to start preparing for next semester's orchestra auditions.  Next step: find a cello and start practicing!!  I'm feeling kinda antsy.

Look!  Pictures!!  It's been a while, right?  The following pictures are things that have made me happy in the last couple of days.  

A package came for me in the mail today.  From the missionary.  A willow tree statue, a cologne sample of his favorite Crave, henna paste, 4 sticks of incense, an SD card full of pictures and videos, and a fantastic letter.  This man knows what his girl likes.  lol.  Happy Birthday/ Christmas to me!  And I wasn't even expecting him to send anything at all.  It was a surprise... the best kind of prize there is!  

Today I went to lunch and hung out with my sister Emily.  She recommended the most fantastic little dive vegetarian Vietnamese place and I LOVED IT!  Then I finally got started on my Christmas shopping.  With less than 2 weeks till Christmas.  Oh man. 

This is us being our silly selves... playing around in the curtain display at Bed Bath and Beyond.

We're so cool. 

These next pictures are of me at Temple Square.  My favorite Christmas place to be!  

It says I love you in Spanish.  I love someone in spanish...

Isn't this BeAuTiFuL??  The reflecting pond with the floating lights is my absolute favorite.  

I love to see the temple, I'm going there someday...

This is my castle, folks. Pretty, huh?

I went to see the lights with a bunch of wonderful MGs... missionary's girls.  We are all so different and have such different stories and situations, but when we come together, it's like we've been friends forever.  All because of our missionaries. Thank heaven for these girls.  Jesus loves his MGs.  I love them too.  

And now I have a confession to make.  I usually LOVE Christmas music and can't get enough of it, but this year I can hardly stand it!  Being in the stores today surrounded by all the Christmas music almost drove me crazy!  And I try to listen to it on the radio, but I just can't do it.  It all sounds so stupid and frivolous.  And this is a horrible, scrooge-ish attitude.  Why am I feeling this way?  Is anyone else with me?  What should I do?

Nathan and Birthdays and Such

K... I'm giving into MG peer pressure and writing one of my many favorite Nathan/Jamilyn stories.  And the fun part is that it happened exactly a year ago today!!  December 10, 2007...

*Disclaimer* I realize that my blog audience is rather diverse... ranging from my dear Mom and Dad, to my newest Michigan friends.  But I'm going to write this story as if I were telling my fellow MG pals.  This is me, folks.  Take it, or leave it!

Here we go... It was the night of my 22 birthday in frigid Logan, Utah.  It was finals week, but Nathan still came up from SLC to give me a birthday visit.  I love him.  We did all sorts of fun things earlier in the day, like studying for finals together and what not.  Then by night time, we were bored and ready for some real excitement.  My roommate Karlie, and her boyfriend Ryan were likewise bored and sick of studying.  So, we decided to play a little game.  More of a competition, if you will.  Somehow we decided it would be fantastically fun to find the most random and outrageous place to make out.  Of course, there had to be some rules and conditions so that the competition was fair.  The kissing had to last at least 3 minutes... timed by cell phone.  And there had to be picture documentation of us in each make out location.  We had 30 minutes, then we'd meet back at Yellow House or automatically lose.  

Nathan and I publicly made out in the family planning isle of the local Walmart.  Also in the handicap bathroom in the basement of the Merril Caizer Library.  Third we made out on top of the USU bull sculpture where we both became true blue aggies in spring 2007.  Then we broke into a bulldozer parked on the side of the road (my personal favorite).  Even after all that, we still had about 2 minutes left, so we decided we would go make out on Kar's bed.  

Kar and Ryan got back just barely in time.  We decided to call a non-partial judge to decide the competition winner.  We called Nyle, and reported about our scandalous deeds.  Then we asked him to decide which couple came up with the most random and outrageous location.  Nathan and I went to 5 different places, had a total blast, and made Nyle laugh a lot with our stories and pictures, but it simply wasn't enough to compete with Karlie and Ryan's escapade.  They had spent their entire half hour making out in the middle of the nativity scene in the front of the Logan Tabernacle in the middle of down town Logan, with christmas light-seeing pedestrian witnesses.  I gotta admit, it was pretty good!  They totally took the prize.  

Side note: Kar and Ryan are married now, and expecting a baby in the summer.  Congrats to them, crazy kids! 

I came across the incriminating pictures of this night earlier this week and had a good laugh at the memories.  Then Karlie texted me and told me that they had put up the Tabernacle nativity scene.  And Nathan mentioned it in his email on Monday.  I can't wait for April 2010.  I'm feeling a rematch...

Now on to this year.  No Nathan stories... he's faithfully serving his mission and making me proud every day.  But this birthday was still fabulous!  I'm 23!!  After two hours of sleep, I woke up at 5:00 am and went to the adorable little Kalamazoo airport.  I continued from there to Minneapolis and finally Salt Lake City in a zombie-like daze of super-tiredness.  Turns out I was sitting next to Chris Donahue's cousin the whole flight.  Small world, eh?  I woke up in time to watch the plane descend over the wonderful Rocky Mountains.  Man, I've missed those.  Ever since September I've been craving Cafe Rio- Michigan doesn't have anything to satiate such cravings. So right after meeting my Mom and finding my luggage, we went to Cafe Rio for lunch.  Mmmm, Rio salad with black beans and tomatillo dressing was everything I've been dreaming about for the last 3 months.  Then I went home and made a significant deposit in my sleep bank.  Then I reluctantly visited my deteriorating grandparents in their new rest home.  And got a visit from my Sweet Caroline who is now 18 months old and has all sorts of new tricks to show me.  She says "veggables".  It's adorable.  Then my momma and I went Christmas/birthday shopping at the gateway mall.  I love love love downtown SLC during Christmas time.  We ate carmel pear and gorgonzola pizza at California Pizza Kitchen (delish!) and cherry pie (my fav) from Marie Calendars.  I super appreciated the birthday phone calls, texts, emails, and facebook messages from friends near and far.  Every single one made me feel extraordinarily loved.  

I can already tell that living with my parents for the next three-ish weeks is going to be lots different than what I'm used to.  Life is full of stress and change that I'm sure I'll eventually blog about.  But right now, I'm extremely happy and overwhelmingly grateful to be "home."

December 8

How does one blog about people when those people read one's blog now??

Juries... OVER!  And it went really well.  :)  Thumbs up from Bruce.  Yee haw!

Time to study for finals.  I'm such a terrible procrastinator.  Can I blame you for that one, Mom?

Sometimes time is unreal.  Will I really be back in SLC in 2 days?  Will I really get to hear Nathan's voice in 17 days??  UNREAL I tell you!!

AnnaLaura and Brieanna came over for "early morning seminary" today at yellow house.  7:30 is EARLY but holy smokes, it's worth it.  How am I so lucky to have these amazing people in my life?

"These woods are lovely, dark and deep.  

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep

And miles to go before I sleep."

Indeed many miles.  I have no time to "sit and watch the woods fill up with snow"... metaphorically speaking.   I love Robert Frost.  

I learned a lot from 1 John 4:18 yesterday.  I love it when prayers are answered.

One final thought...

I wouldn't give up email Monday.  

Not. For. Anything.  Anything!!

I'm fine!

Sometimes I'm so dramatic.  Things are fine.  I got a great letter from the missionary.  I had a great Friday night with friends.  And a great manicure/pedicure sleepover with Stephanie.  Throughout the course of the day were many great reality checks.  And they are as follows:

I honestly love school

I love learning

I love playing cello

I love being in Michigan

I love living on my own

I love my independence (well, relative independence...)

I have great friends here.  Not just good friends, but seriously great friends

I have a great emotional support system

I'm stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes

I can do hard things!!!!

I like doing hard things

I'm good at doing hard things

I'm not "trunky" for Elder Morris

I do not want him to be anywhere but on his mission right now

I don't need him as much as I once thought I did

But I still love him.  Quite a bit.

And I'll still wait

But I'm certainly not sitting at home, pining on a Friday night!

I'm not that girl

I like this: "Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their moccasins" 

and: "You can't judge a book by its cover"

Indeed you can't!

This part of Garden State has been in my head lately:

Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden, even though you have some place where you can put your stuff, that idea of home is gone. 
Sam: I still feel at home in my house. 
Andrew: You'll see when you move out. It just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean, it's like this rite of passage, you know? You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. 

I relate.

These thoughts have been bumping around inside my brain this entire week.  No wonder it's been hard to sleep, right?  But it all comes down to this: I'm doing a lot of heavy learning/thinking/pondering lately.  What I like about it is that the more I do, the more things come into focus. Clarity to banish silly drama.  To quote Jamie from my favorite soundtrack: "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm FINE!" 

Really.

More Lame Duck

This post has nothing to do with George Bush.

I finished the Penderecki Paper last night at 12:15.

In class today, the teacher decided to move the due date to Tuesday.  

What the duck?!?

I didn't sleep until 3:00 am.

That's a problem. 

I ate a tofurkey sandwich last night

and more hummus.  Cashew hummus.  Yummus!!

Thanks to Nick. 

Lots of things thanks to Nick:

Good talks

and Star Wars

and a fixed car.  

I'm gonna need a letter from Elder Morris REAL SOON

before I do something drastic.  

(Don't worry, I won't really do anything drastic.)

It was SO GOOD to talk to Lynsie last night.  Love you Lyns!!

(And Katie.  And Ashley.)   

"what the world needs now, is love... sweet love!"

It's finally the weekend!

Study.

Practice.

Ponder.

Play!!

YAY!!

Lamest of the Lame

I feel like my blog is lame lately.

My guinea pig, Gloria, is home and healthy from the vet.

Her favorite thing to eat is green peppers. 

One of my favorite things to eat is red peppers.

I should be writing a paper on Penderecki's use of microtonal tunings in his 20th century compositions.   

I'd rather not.

It's due on Friday.  Blah.

Michigan is really really cold.

I just ate lunch at Shwarma.

I tried grape leaves for the first time ever.  YUM.

Also hummus is yummus.  And chili lime fries.

Does it seem like everyone is getting married these days?

Yes it does.  

I'll be 23 years old in 8 days.  

I don't feel 23 years old.  

I'll be in Utah again in 8 days.

Do people eat hummus in Utah?

My tummy is still kind of sicky from the Thanksgiving turkey I impulsively ate.

Vegetarians shouldn't eat Turkey.  Ever.

I hope I get a letter from Nathan today.

But if I don't, that's fine too.  I'm glad he's busy.

Pray for him and Elder Rogers, ok?

I want to go running but it's too cold.  I think my lungs would shrivel up.

We read through Don Juan and Tchaikovsky Symphony #4 today in orchestra.  Cool repertoire!

Man, I have lots of work to do.

I think I have a date this week.  Like a real date.  Weird?

Yes!!

But also kinda fun, right?  

I miss Nathan.

I miss my girls.

I miss my fam.

Do I sound unhappy?  Cause I'm not unhappy.

I just need a break.  

One week.  

One talent show.

2 papers.  2 finals.  1 jury.  

One plane ride.  

Home.