Does anyone even read blogs any more? I wanted to document my thoughts about this whole 21 Day Fix Extreme process, and I thought this might be the best place. Read if you'd like. But this is mostly for myself.
Lets start off with two things:
1) Having babies does some crazy things to your body. It's awesome and amazing. A whole human grew from a tiny cluster of cells.. IN MY BODY! I just can't even wrap my mind around how cool that is. But on the other hand, those little humans in there take up a lot of space where there isn't much space in the first place. They stretch out skin and cause cravings that lead to pudge and love handles. They spread out hips and rib cages. Growing babies change your hormones and can lead to things like depression and anxiety. And if you take medication for those imbalances, there will likely be side effects, like increased appetite and weight gain. And it can be frustrating.
I know I am definitely not alone in my post-baby body thoughts. I would venture to stay that no woman who has ever given birth has been immediately thrilled with the new condition of her body. All I am staying is that I have been frustrated with my lack of endurance, my lack of muscle strength, and my lack of self control when it comes to food. And now that my baby is 16 months old, it's definitely time to do something about it... probably past time.
2) This may seem unrelated, but stick with me. My husband works as a nurse with a bunch of BEAUTIFUL women. His fellow nurses, the medical assistants, the medical residents, the doctors... they are all exceptionally beautiful. And almost exclusively women. And the patients are definitely all women. He has one friend who we jokingly call his "work wife" because they get along so well. And she is beautiful. And in awesome physical shape, even after having a baby. I almost never feel threatened by husband's relationship with her. She has a great relationship with her husband, and I have a great relationship with mine. I trust him. And I love him.
But, one day after work, he brought home workout DVDs and said that he borrowed it from the work wife. For me. And it made me feel instantly insecure. And self conscious. And a little bit pissed off. Because I know she is more beautiful than me. And in better shape than me. I know that husband didn't mean to offend me by borrowing the workouts. He probably thought he was doing me a sweet favor by providing me with a convenient and free method for getting into better shape. And he probably thought it was even better because he personally knows people who use this method and it works great for them. In fact, the work wife didn't even need the DVDs any more, because the workouts had become too easy for her. Because she had done them so much. And she was in such good shape. So when the DVDs arrived at our house from his work, I was offended. And pissed off.
And so the work out DVDs... the 21 Day Fix Extreme DVDs, sat downstairs next to our TV. For months and months and months while I worked on getting over myself. I didn't even know anything about them, except for that they came from her, and she was too good for them now. And husband thought I should give them a try.
While the DVDs sat there, I was also working on weaning myself off of the anti-depressants I have been on for more than a year for Post Partum Depression. I was feeling like I was getting to a better mental and emotional place, and ready to not be dependent on pills to get through the day any more. I know about myself that exercise helps my mental and emotional health a whole lot. So while I was getting ready to go off of the anti-depressants, I signed up for and ran my first 5k in over 3 years. It was wonderfully fun and motivating and exciting. And I felt awesome. I wanted to keep up that level of activity after the race. But I also know about myself that I don't like running when it's cold outside! And when it gets dark early in the evening and stays dark later in the morning. So I needed some other kind of physical activity that would challenge me and keep me going. Something I could do inside. Something that I could do at home.
Enter the 21 Day Fix Extreme!
I decided to finally get over myself and give it a try. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Uncharacteristic of myself, I didn't do any research about the program or it's validity. I didn't know if it was for cardio or strength training or anything. I just put in the first DVD, chose Cardio Fix Extreme from the menu, and pressed play.
And It was SO HARD! After 30 minutes of cardio intensity, I wanted to cry. And I needed to throw up. I couldn't walk up the stairs. I just laid on the couch for probably an hour, just thinking. And when I was done thinking and laying there, I decided that, even though it seemed completely crazy, I wanted to keep 21 day fixing. I needed to keep 21 day fixing. :) For my lack of strength and lack of endurance. And for my mental and emotional health. And to prove to myself that I could still do things that I put my mind to.
So I did it. I bought the weights and pulled out my ol' resistance band. I did 21 days of Cardio, Upper Body, Lower Body, Pilates, Plyo, Dirty 30 and Yoga Fix Extreme. (I did take a 4 day break in the middle of my 21 day stretch due to a nasty stomach bug).
Here is the honest truth about it. Even on the last week of the workouts, I still couldn't do an entire workout "full out"from start to end. More often than not, I followed along with Cherise the modifier as she did the less intense versions of the workouts. I would crap out in the middle of push ups or use lighter weights on the second round of exercises. I still can not do a full sit up. But I would always end every workout drenched in sweat and feeling sore the next day. So I know I was still working harder than I had in a loooooong time.
I didn't lose a single pound. I was definitely more hungry than usual, and I allowed myself to indulge, because of how much I was working. But the good news is, I could feel my body changing and getting stronger. As the weeks went by, I could feel myself getting better at doing the exercises with better form. When Autumn said I should be feeling the exercise in my left hamstring, I could actually feel my hamstring working! When she said I should be engaging my abs, I started to be able to feel my abs engaging (which definitely didn't happen the first several days... I'm not even sure if I really had abs then). After a week or so, I was able to go up and down the stairs in my house without dreading it every time. And I could balance on one leg long enough to hold a yoga pose or do a quad stretch at the end of a workout. On the first day of Dirty 30, I could do about 3 push ups in a row. On the last day, I could do 24. That's progress!
**I try not to think about how, as a high school cheerleader back in the day, we did a push up for every point our football team scored at games. Which was usually more than 24... I think we did 50 pushups every morning at cheer practice. Oh to be 17 again.
Now that I'm done with the first round of 21 Day Fix Extreme, I think I am ready to go back for more. I feel like I have just scratched the surface of what I can benefit from this workout program. I am just barely getting the right form for the exercises. I am just barely getting strong enough to engage the correct muscles as I work out. And I really want to be able to make it through a whole workout doing every rep of every move. I believe Autumn when she tells me that I need to ditch my excuses. And that I can have strong and toned muscles. I don't need to go on and participate in Beach Body bikini competitions, but if I could look strong and healthy like Autumn or Emily or Athena, or hold yoga poses like that serenity goddess behind Autumn in Yoga Fix Extreme, I'd be down with that. I want to keep working on my endurance and my strength and my balance and my flexibility. I don't want my happiness to hinge on looking sexy or thin or what ever. But I do want to take care of my body. And it's been a long time since I have done anything to work on my health. So I'm going to keep going.
This time I am going to take before and after photos. And take actual measurements. And eat more healthily as I exercise. As they say, health happens in the kitchen just as much as in the gym. Last time, posting a daily instagram story check-in helped motivate me. But this time I want to be motivated by my own numbers. And I want to be motivated by the goal of finishing a workout I can be proud of. I don't want my blog or instagram account to turn into a fitness report. There's enough of that out there. But for now, this is a big deal to me, and I want to keep it going. So I may just check in from time to time. I may post my before and after photos. Or maybe not.
I don't know. I'm just trying to get 'Fixed.