I'm sitting in my car on one of my favorite Kalamazoo streets, bumming off of open wireless networks and letting the torrential pre-spring rain beat asymmetrical patterns on the roof, windshield and windows. It's Almost 12:30 am. It's still February, but things are melting and changing... The earth and my soul, as the rain continues to fall. "I'm not crying... it's just been raining- on my face"- Brett from Flight of the Conchords.
Today I feel so extremely blessed. Which is bizarre, cause it's been a stressful, frustrating few days. But I have way too much to be thankful for- too much to be happy about- without feeling outrageously selfish for being depressed. Today I had a re-realization that I can go to my Father in Heaven and tell him that I am so completely imperfect, and that my best efforts are often futile, but that if I believe in him, let him help me and heal me and guide me, I can become the kind of woman that he and I both want me to become. If I have faith, and "experiment upon [his] word", he has the power to change me.
And that is my hope, on this cold Michigan post-midnight... as rain washes away the winter. A figurative and literal cleanse.
3 comments:
Thanks Jami.. i still miss you mucho mucho mucho... I had more or less a lame night and this helped me feel better for some reason. I love and miss you. And don't worry, you're amazing.
Your words are beautiful even when they're borderline depressed...can't tell you how much I miss you. No way to describe the love.
Wow Jamilyn that was powerful. I loved that. Thank you so much for that thought. Have you ever seen the movie fireproof? That reminds me of that movie. Are you coming to Utah for your spring break? Please say yes. Then we could watch that movie together. Miss you and love you girl. Hope to see you soon!
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