MG Valentine Thoughts

I came home from school late on Friday night after a long stressful day of orchestra, practice, and masterclass. Routinely checked the mail box, even though I know letters are kind of scarce these days. Empty. *sigh* Climbed the stairs to my apartment, feeling tired and missing my Morris more than usual . Opened the screen door, and what did my eyes behold? A glorious box! A PACKAGE! From Texas!! YYYYyyyyeeeaaaAAAAaaaHHHHhhh!

Package trumps letter any day. But the first thing I read on the box said "Don't open until Valentines Day." Hmmm. I considered this idea for about 2.5 seconds, and then proceeded to rip it open sans guilt.

A letter

An SD card- pictures and ViDeoS!

Bath Salts

11 little candles

A sleep mask

A decorated pillowcase

A teddy bear

A mini missionary figurine

And a silk yellow rose

Mmmmm, A rest and relaxation kit! For his tired and busy MG. He gets a gold star for thoughtfulness. Take a bath with stress-relieving salts and delicious smelling candles. Don the sleep mask, put your head on the pillowcase, cuddle the teddy bear, and have sweet dreams while the mini-missionary keeps watch in the night. He is wonderful. Even as a super busy and focused missionary, he still takes time to be sweet to me. I am a lucky girl.

It's a Jamilyn fact that emotions close to the heart are hard for me to communicate. I've been trying to write this blog since Friday and every time I start, I get to a certain point and don't know how to articulate my feelings anymore. Ugh, I don't know what to say. Nathan comes home in less than 7 weeks. After almost two years, that seems SO SOON! But who would have ever thought that something that feels so close could also feel a billion years away? Almost like it's not really going to happen. It's so weird. Sometimes I think about him coming home, and I have bizarre anxiety feelings. Other times I think about it, I'm SUPER impatient and want him home now! He's been gone so long. And still other times (yeah, I think about him coming home a lot) I feel bad for wanting him to come home. I know that he is loving his mission so much. I know that he is actually kind of nervous about coming home. So how selfish is it for me to insist that he leave everything that he loves in Texas just to come back to our cross-country long distance relationship? How cool would it be to peek into the future for a year or so? See how things play out between us. I like plans and goals and details, but I feel like my near future is a big question mark. That's probably what I'm all anxiety about- the unknown future. Why can't I just be excited? I'm sure the best is yet to come.

Okay, I really am excited. But I miss Nathan immensely. Because if new mission rules, tomorrow is the first monday since March 2008 that Nathan and I won't be emailing each other. Funny that a lack of email somehow feels like a chunk out of my heart. However, I've got my relaxing bubble bath, a new sleep mask and teddy bear to cuddle, a cute pillowcase that smells like the man I love and I just ate a delicious heart-shaped brownie. Nathan-and-Jamilyn-ish songs are playing on the ipod, and I'm hoping for sweet dreams. I love and am loved. I guess things for this emotional Michigan MG are going pretty good.