Doubts, Love, Independence, Happiness

So it's been a week since America (or at least Utah) celebrated Independence Day! But more exciting and significant in my little life, it's been a week since Mr. Nathan Morris

asked me to marry him!!

I'm sure it's no news to most of you. And we've gotten a lot of "it's about time" kind of responses from friends and fam. And what with it being so close to him coming home from his mission, and since I wrote to him the whole two years, and since we've been dating since we graduated from high school, and since we live in Utah, I guess the whole thing is kind of trite and expected. And I usually try to steer clear of trite and expected.

But in this case, I'm thrilled!

Believe me, I've thought through plenty of doubts- We're still so young, I don't have enough good wife skillz, we don't make enough money, he still has a lot of school to finish, I'm just starting a time consuming doctoral degree, we're not ready. But the more I tried to come to terms with that, the more I thought -- it's absolutely true. We're not ready. We're young and poor and inexperienced. But when will I ever feel ready? If you know me, or have read my blog for any significant amount of time, you know that BIG life decisions like this are absolutely not easy for me to make. Deciding to get married is a leap of faith into the scary unknown. Not just scary, but exciting and wonderful and adventurous, and BIG. And I can't think of anyone I'd rather make the jump with than my best friend in the whole world.

And so, on July 3, I was woken up by unexpected knocking on my bedroom door. I got up, and a trail of rose pedals led from my bedroom to the bathroom, where Nathan had set up a wonderfully romantic bubble bath for me. After the bubble bath, the rose pedal path had changed, and now led to the kitchen, where Nathan had made my favorite breakfast- blueberry cherry smoothies. After breakfast, we spent the rest of the day just having a blast together. We played some Wii Mario Kart, ate Cafe Rio in the canyon, went on a fun little hike, browsed IKEA, went swimming at a water hole with a rope swing, had a BBQ, and then went four-wheeling up into the mountains at sunset. When we got to the top of the mountain, we had a gorgeous view of Utah Valley. Nathan pulled me aside and got down on one knee. As soon as he got down, in my typical Jamilyn fashion, I said "is this how you're going to do it?" And he said "YES this is how I'm going to do it!!" Then he said some really sweet things, asked me if I would marry him, and I said YES! He slipped the perfect ring on my finger, and I kissed him. Then, from the top of the mountain, we watched 4 different firework shows, including Stadium of Fire and Thanksgiving Point. Fireworks are my absolute favorite. It was gorgeous.

On the late drive back from Payson, with a new ring on my hand, and a new fiance in the seat next to me, I couldn't help but think how ironic it was to get engaged, what many might think of as a loss of independence, on the very night that the country celebrates independence. But since then, I've realized this: marrying Nathan will never equal a loss of my independence. He respects my thoughts and goals and wishes and wants to help me achieve them. He knows me better than to try to dominate me or control me, and it's not even in his nature. I know I can survive and be happy on my own. But having him around sure enhances happiness. And I think that I probably enhance his happiness too.

And that's what I want. Commitment to independently enhance each other's happiness, support each other's dreams, and witness each other's lives. Not dependance on each other, but fidelity and loyalty to each other. Forever.

And so I'll marry Nathan Morris. On December 18, 2010. (Same anniversary as my Grandma and Grandpa M) in the Salt Lake Temple.

♥