Stuff Like Murder Mysteries, Baby Kicks, Dougie Dancing, Etc.

OK, no more lists.  It was a good idea, but I'm not ready to stress about getting a blog written every Monday.  I'm just going to blog when the mood strikes me... and when I have a spare moment.

Here's what's new in the world of Jamilyn and such...

On Halloween, Nathan and I hosted a murder mystery dinner party with our awesome group of summer (now autumn) hangout friends.  I think it turned out well, and we definitely had a lot of fun doing it.  One of my favorite parts of Halloween this year was having actual trick-or-treaters to pass out candy to.  This is the first year in our married lives that we've been able to do that!  Little costume kids are so dang cute.  And we even ran out of candy from our big bowl of Kit Kats and Reeces.  Thank heavens that the Walkers brought Dum Dums too, or we would have had to turn kids away.  After the murder mystery and delicious dinner (dinner in a pumpkin done the RIGHT way!), we headed to the basement and watched Ghostbusters.  And I STILL haven't seen it, because I fell asleep less than half way through.  Maybe someday...

 This is an indicator of my mental state these days.  I made this sign for the party, and didn't realize until I was cleaning up a few days later that I spelled HALLOWEEN completely wrong.  What kind of doctoral candidate am I?  Jeez.

Clementine has some cute new things these days.  She started smiling last week!  It's so darling to pick her up from her bassinet every morning and be rewarded with a happy toothless grin.  She's also started kicking her legs like crazy, especially on her play mat.  It makes her really happy if she can get her feet to connect to her favorite jingly butterfly toy.

This is all that is left of Clementine's long dark hair that she was born with :(  This picture also features her fancy "cephelahematoma"- her major head bruise souvenir  from being born.  Poor thing.  

Nathan is also teaching our baby girl how to Dougie.  He's pretty proud of himself.  :)

.. Under the watchful eye of Jesus.  :)

And we just passed the 2 year anniversary of my Mom's death.  I've been missing her a lot lately, especially in the middle of the night when I'm feeding my little girl, and I have all sorts of time to be still and think about things.  Being a mom has made me think about my own mom a ton, especially raising this girl in the same house where my mom raised me.  She washed me in the same sink and paced with me in the same halls trying to get me to go to sleep. I feel like I understand her love for me more than I ever have before, and it makes me feel closer to her, but also a little bit guilty and selfish and ungrateful for all the things that she did for me my entire life.  She was an awesome mom and I think every day about what I can do to give Clementine the kind of wonderful childhood that I had because of her.  This November 10, I wasn't as sad as I was last year.  But my heart still aches for her listening ear and wise advice and spontaneous fun.  I'm so so so grateful for our little Clementine Gae.  She is my joy and comfort.

The... Wednesday List?

OK, so I already failed at listing on Mondays.

1. That being said, I'm trying a new thing this week where I try to stress less.  So I'm definitely not going to stress about blogging (of all things) two days later than I planned.  This less-stress resolution came from the awesome "boob whisperer" (more on her later), Nurse Karen, who noticed during our first lactation consultation that I am WAY stressed out, and reading WAY too much, and Google Searching WAY too much, and getting all confused and stressed about the hordes of conflicting Mom info that is available on the internet and in books.  So I'm trying not to read so much, or Google so much, or stress so much.  Supposedly I have mothering instincts, and I'm trying to trust those instead.

2. Nurse Karen.  (the lactation specialist nurse). Has been.  My HERO this week.  She was out of town from the day that the pediatrician recommended her to us until two weeks later, so it took us a while to get in to see her.  Our first visit was Thursday, then we went back again Friday, and again on Tuesday... cause Clementine and I needed LOTS of help.  But we've come a LONG way since last Thursday!  There have been really awesome days, and days where I have handed Nathan the baby and a bottle, and gone to bed and cried for a while.  But the good days are happening far more often now than they used to.  I think we actually might be able to do this breast feeding thing after all!  And because of that, I don't feel like such a failure of a mother.

3. When cute Clementine was born, she had a head full of cute fuzzy dark hair.  Since then, it has been lightening up a little more every day.  Someone told us that we were washing the color out of it. :)  But now she isn't only going blonde, she's going bald on top!  I know this happens to lots of babies, but I hope her cute fuzz comes back soon!

4. We have been spoiled and haven't really had to make very many dinners since Clementine was born (almost 4 weeks ago!).  But I actually really like making dinner usually, and on Monday I decided to get my cooking skills back out and try making something more involved than a bowl of cereal or Hamburger Helper.  I wanted to make Dinner in a Pumpkin, which I always loved eating at Kristin Krogue's house every October.  The problem was that I launched into the project before checking that we had all of the ingredients.  We didn't.  But it was ok- I switched out a few veggies for other similar veggies and called it good.  But we also didn't have soy sauce.  It's ok, just add in a little extra chicken stock.  Then the rice that was supposed to be cooking in the rice maker was crunchy, no matter how much extra water I added in.  And then when I was simmering it all together in the skillet, Clementine got sad, and while I was helping her, the whole mess burned on the bottom.  Not to worry- still salvageable.  Then Nathan came home in the middle of all of this, and I hadn't even put the casserole in the pumpkin yet.  We decided to forgo the pumpkin and the extra hour that it would need to bake, and just eat the make-shift casserole instead.  The recipe suggested topping it with chow mein noodles- which we had!!  But after we covered our plates in the burned casserole covered with crunchy noodles, we took one bite and realized that the noodles were SO stale.  It was awful.  We threw the whole thing in the trash, packed Clementine in her car seat.  And headed to Taco Bell.  The chicken chalupa and bean burrito hit the spot!

5. Clementine's social calendar continues to be jam packed!  We hit up a family halloween party on Friday night- this time in our actual costumes as a bank robber and a sack of cash.  (Sadly, Nathan had to work that night).  Then we went to JJ's annual Halloween party on Saturday, which was really fun this year!  We had to solve puzzles and riddles as teams to figure out who the murderer was.  And guess what?  Nathan and I were the murderers this year!  Then we took Clementine to church for the first time ever on Sunday- hopefully she didn't catch any crazy diseases from the congregation.  And later that night, we had Morris family dinner, which was also a costume party, but nobody but the Beck family knew it.  Ha.  Clementine got passed around so much that night- I don't think I got to hold her for more than a minute.  I'm glad that she is loved.

The Monday List

Now that cute Clementine is here in the world, I don't want to completely drop off the face of the blog world.  In fact, since she is growing so fast and doing so many cute things (you know, like sleeping, eating, crying, pooping, etc.) I would like to maybe even blog more.

So I'm going to try a new thing.  I'm calling it the Monday list.  I have plenty of time on Mondays.  It's laundry day, and Nathan is at work all day, so I'm at home with not a lot to do (you know, besides laundry and dishes and clutter control and keeping a baby alive and happy).

Here's how I'm hoping the Monday list will go:  I want to blog about 5 things that happened throughout the week- whether they are about Clementine or not.  And I'll add pictures.  It's simple.  Just the way I like it.

So here goes!  The inaugural Monday List!

1. Clementine had her two week pediatrician appointment this week.  When she was born, she weighed 8 pounds and 1 oz.  Before we left the hospital, she had dropped down to 7 pounds and 8 oz, and at her one week pediatrician appointment, she weighed 7 pounds and 1 oz.  I knew she wasn't breast feeding well, and I was stressed that I was starving her.  After many an emotional call to family members, and a late night visit to Adam and Andrea for help and advice, we started using the electric breast pump.  That, plus a fenugreek supplement, and things are  going MUCH better now.  Our little chunk weighed in at 8 pounds and 6 oz. at her latest appointment!  Way to pack it on, little girl.  :) She is in the 53% for weight, 60% for head circumference, and a whopping 88% for length.  She's totally healthy and a happy little camper.

2. Nathan has been such a helpful husband and dad this past week.  He changes diapers, feeds bottles, reads to, sings to, and holds Clementine any chance he can get.  He's reading The Little Prince to her- one chapter every night.  It's darling, because she is so alert and attentive during their nightly story time.  Friday night was particularly stressful this past week.  Nathan had been at work all night, and Clementine had been eating all day long, every hour on the hour and I was exhausted and drained and feeling like I was getting nothing done in life.  When Nathan came home from work, he took our sweet girl, turned on our new favorite record "Lets Be Still" by The Head and The Heart, and swayed her to sleep while singing to her.  Melted my heart.  And reminded me that I need to 'be still' and enjoy these days of hanging out with Clementine while she's tiny- even if all we get done all day is keeping her fed and happy.  It's good to just take a moment and be still.  

3. Nathan unfortunately has had a cold for the past few days (remember the Man Cold?) so he has tried to keep his distance from Clementine to not get her sick too.  It has made me that much more appreciative of all the things that he has been doing to help now that he's resting more than helping.  

4. Nathan's family threw a very spur-of-the-moment Halloween party this week.  We got a text around 4:00 pm telling us that the party would be that night at around 6:30 pm.  In our life-with-new-baby survival mode, I just BARELY had ordered parts of our Halloween costumes online a few minutes before I got the text invitation, so obviously we weren't prepared in the costume department.  Instead, we dressed all in black, I used a dry erase marker to give us both some kitty whiskers, and Kara gave us a ride to the party.  Somehow, Clementine slept through the "I vant to suck your blood!" game, a Thriller dance off, and a rousing round of Hot Pumpkin before we called it a night.  

(Does anyone else use snap chat and want to add me as a friend?) 

5. As far as I'm concerned, being not pregnant is much preferred to being pregnant- all except for one major thing.  Since being not pregnant, my skin has gone berserk! Thanks to the convenience of modern Google searching, I now know that because of the serious drop in hormones post-preg, it's common to develop dry skin.  My body has taken this dry skin thing to a new level though- my face is like the Sahara Desert.  It itches and burns and there are some really attractive patches of redness all over.  Did I ever blog about how much I hated the oil cleansing method?  If not, long story short= I hated it!  But would you believe now that I'm covering my face multiple times a day with a generous dose of coconut oil?  And using Lush's (oil based) Ultrabland Facial Cleanser?  It's true.  Google also tells me that it will take my skin 2-3 months to balance itself out.  Yikes.  I'm not going to post a picture.  But if you see me in the next 2-3 months, you'll see what I'm talking about.  

Clementine's World Debut

Our sweet sweet Clementine was born on October 3, 2013 at 8:45 am.  She weighed 8 pounds and 1 ounce and was 21.5 inches long.

In my Clementine journal, I wrote a 36 page saga all about her birth with details that would probably bore and/or gross out the general blog-reading public.  But I wanted to write some of her birth story here too, in case anyone reads my blog anymore and wonders how things went.

Clementine was originally due on September 28, so on October 1, I was feeling huge and a little frustrated to still be pregnant.  But I was trying to stay patient and upbeat about the fact that she could stay in for a few weeks longer still.  That morning, my sister called and proposed that I watch her youngest few boys for her while she got a quick haircut.  I made her a deal that I would watch them if she would give me a ride to get a fresh pedicure.  Since Nathan and I share a car, and he had the car at work that day, I was seriously considering walking 2.8 miles to the closest pedicure place, but a ride sounded WAY better.

While I was watching her boys, I noticed that the contractions that I had been having off and on for the past few days were getting stronger and more close together.  But not unmanageable.  I started timing them on my nifty contraction app, and they were anywhere from 3-6 minutes apart, lasting 45 seconds to a minute.  Everything that I had read about labor indicated that contractions that regular meant real labor and that I should head to the hospital.  So after about 2 hours of regular contractions, Nathan and I headed into labor and delivery, super excited and anxious.  In hind-sight, the fact that I was happy to walk into the hospital without a wheelchair should have been indicator enough that this wasn't the real deal.

They checked us into a triage room and checked my cervix.  80% effaced but only 1+ dilation.  I was frustrated.  And to add to my frustration, we had to deal with the most insensitive, ornery midwife who came in to tell me that I could be in this kind of "pre-labor" for days, even weeks,  And that if I was already in that much pain with contractions dilated to barely more than a 1, I wasn't going to be able to handle the pain when I got to a 10, so I should consider changing my hopes of an unmedicated water birth.  She offered me a shot of morphine and phenegren, which I turned down, and we left the hospital feeling very frustrated and defeated and seriously lacking in confidence.

We were both STARVING, so we headed to Trio for their legendary labor-inducing pizza.  We split the pizza and a cobb salad and it was super delicious.  The waiter probably thought I was a nut case because I had to stop every once in a while, close my eyes and breathe through contractions.  All throughout dinner we trash talked the stupid midwife and Nathan did a good job at making me laugh, even when I burst out into tears.  It was a dramatic dinner.

All throughout that night and the entire next day, I continued to have contractions that were strong and kind of scary.  I spent a lot of time in the hot bath tub.  Nathan was awesome and helped me with my hypnobirthing exercises and visualizations and got me food and ice chips.  We went to Jamba Juice, even when all food sounded awful.  We went on a long walk around the neighborhood.  Late that afternoon, I thought my water had broken, so we called the midwives again to see if we should come in.  They said we could come in and check.  So that night, we headed back to labor and delivery.  They checked us into an official labor room this time, but I was still happily walking- which I now know means not far enough progressed.  :)  They checked me out, and I was 100% effaced but only dilated to a 2.  By this point I was very frustrated.  The nurse was extremely nice and said that they would let us walk around the hospital for a few hours to see if we could get things progressing further before they sent us home.  They also checked the pH levels of the fluid I was leaking- not my water breaking.  Dang it.  So we walked around the halls of labor and delivery, eating orange flavored ice chips and stopping every few minutes for contractions.  But when they checked me again, I was still the same- maybe a 2+, the nurse said.  I was ready to give up on my unmedicated water birth plans.  I wanted them to admit me, induce my labor so that it would progress more quickly, and give me an epidural.  I was exhausted from a day and a half's worth of strong contractions and frustrated by my lack of progress.  The on-call midwife came in to talk to us, and she was MUCH more awesome than the one the night before.  She encouraged me to stick with my birth plan.  She said I was so close and doing so well.  She offered the morphine and phenegren again, and said she would highly recommend it so that I could get some rest and maybe relax.  She said we would probably be back again to deliver our baby before her shift was over.  I was so happy to accept the shot!  And besides giving me some crazy hallucinations, it was so wonderful.

We got home, I got in the hot bath again, and fell sound asleep-- at least for two hours.  I woke up freezing cold, and tried to get out to get ready for bed, but when I did, Nathan noticed a gush of blood running down my leg.  He called the midwives again, and they said we better come in.  But I REALLY didn't want to go back in and have them tell me that I had finally progressed to a 3, but they still wanted us to wait more at home.  I didn't think I could take the walk of shame again.  I decided that I would go back in, but that if they would let us stay, I would definitely get an epidural.  It was three in the morning when we left, but Nathan still honked the car horn as we left- the signal to any of our neighbors who heard it that we were headed in to have our baby.  I really doubted that we would be allowed to stay at the hospital again.  Can you tell that my confidence was pretty low?

This time I definitely could not walk into the hospital on my own.  Nathan parked in the drop-off circle, and got me a wheelchair.  They checked us into a labor room and checked me again.  100% effaced and dilated to a NINE!!  Woo-Hoo!  From a 2+ to a 9 in three hours!  Yay for morphine! I asked for the epidural, but Nathan, the nurses and the midwife all encouraged me to stick with my birth plan again.  I wasn't feeling much like arguing, so I said ok.  Since I was progressing so quickly, they started setting up the room for a bed delivery.  But the midwife said we might as well try setting up the birth tub for the water birth.  It took 35 minutes to inflate, and 45 minutes to fill, and while it did, I labored in the bathtub in the labor room.  I'm so glad that we decided to try for the birth tub, because as soon as I got in it, it was so comfortable and relaxing!! I loved that there was room to stretch out, and that the bottom was soft- like an air mattress bathtub!  And there was a hose filling the tub with hot water that felt so good to direct over my back or on my tummy during a contraction.

For the rest of labor, I was  totally in the hypnobirthing zone.  Nathan helped me breathe through the nearly-constant contractions and to keep my muscles relaxed.  He got me sips of water or gatorade, and even got in the tub and held me- which felt wonderful.  Our awesome doula, Annalaura was there too, and was such a help.  She helped keep me confident and focused.  She even offered to rub my legs at one point when they started to fall asleep.

Pushing was pretty different than I expected.  I don't think anyone can prepare you for what it feels like to push a baby out! I scratch my head at people who claim that birth is "orgasmic" or not painful at all.  There was definitely pain.  And doubt.  And fear.  But I did it!!  I pushed and pushed- probably for about an hour and a half.  I tried "breathing down" my baby like hypnobirthing recommends, but that wasn't working for us.  So we did the hold your breath and push method instead.  It felt so great when Annalaura said she could see her dark hair.  I knew I was so close.  Having her come all the way out was such a great feeling too- I felt instant relief.  And so happy!  They placed little Clementine right on my chest.  I couldn't see her very well because I didn't have my contacts in, but it felt so good to have her out and on my skin.

They had me move to the bed, and it was incredible to me how easy it was to move after delivery- it was a cool feeling to not be pregnant any more!  I felt so light.  :)  They got my glasses for me, and brought Clementine back over.  She was so alert and beautiful.  Her eyes were just drinking in the world.

I didn't know this until much later, but Clementine's umbilical cord was much shorter than the normal length, and when they put her up on my chest after birth, the cord snapped.  We both started bleeding out- the midwife started taking care of me, but nobody noticed that the cord on Clementine's side was bleeding too.  He grabbed it and held it with his fingers so she wouldn't bleed to death.  The midwife said he probably saved her life.  Good eye, Nathan!

Being a mom so far has been pretty awesome!  We had a few very stressful days where Clementine wasn't eating well and my milk supply was really low, but things are looking up! She sleeps well, she eats a bottle like a tank, she makes cute little sounds, she excels at tummy time, and she has the cutest little head of fluffy dark hair.  People think she looks just like me.  Or just like Nathan.  Or a good mix of the two of us.  Ha.  I guess as she grows and unfolds more, we'll be able to tell better.  Everyone says she has a calm and content little soul.  I agree.  I could spend all day just cuddling her and looking at her and singing to her.  She is just the best.

Happy two weeks old, sweet Clementine Gae.  We love you with our whole hearts!

Clementine, Who Do You Look Like?

Our Sweet Clementine is due in just about 5 days and I'm crazy excited! 

I had a dream a few nights ago about her being born, and I kept trying to get a good look at her to see what she looked like, but my dream wouldn't let me.  (Do your dreams ever do annoying things like that?  Like you have the most delicious-looking food but you can't taste it?)  But ever since that dream, I have been a little bit preoccupied with the idea of what, and more importantly WHO, this little girl will look like.  

So here are our options.  This is what the gene pool is bringing to the table.  And within the next five days... or so... we get to take a good look at her- without dream interference.  

Will she be a concerned little Nathan with big round eyes and turned down ears?

Or a pale little Jamilyn with little eyes and Grandpa Beckstrom's nose?  

Or maybe she'll be a red head and look completely and exclusively like herself.  

Either way, I can't wait to find out.  

Samson- Year Two

Dear darling sweet stubborn regal Sir Samson "angry cake" Spektor Morris,

It was your birthday a few months ago, and I let it pass by without a blog mention!

But we DID celebrate with you by taking you on a fun hike up to Dog Lake.

Since your "whelp day" I've been brewing a blog in my head about all the things I particularly have loved about having you in our family this year.

Lets see how many of them I can actually remember, now that I've sat down to write about you! 

I love how sleepy you are during the day! Anyone who knows you exclusively in the evening can't believe that you spend your days lounging around, napping, and cuddling.  I love your cute sleep faces!  Most of the pictures of you during your year two are of you sleeping, because you are so darn cute! 

You've made a lot of new friends this year, especially since I have started teaching cello at home instead of at the Music Studio.  It has been fun watching you start out so protective and wary of strangers, and eventually learning to love everyone that comes over.  I wish that you would learn to not yap at every stranger that walks, runs, or bikes past our house, however.  

You are such a good therapy dog.  When I was feeling so crappy at the beginning of being pregnant with Clementine, you cuddled up with me every day and made me feel better.  

I love it when you want to play.  We play chase and fetch and tug.  You love belly rubs and ear rubs and leg rubs.  You HATE it when I tease you by blowing inside your ear.  

You and Nathan play darling games of hide and seek. You love your big dog, your leopard, your skunk, and the tail of your fox, which is all that is left of it.  :)

We've read lots of articles about how to prepare you to be a good dog brother when Clementine is born, and many of the articles have suggested that we talk to you about it.  We tried it, and I know it sounds crazy, but I swear you really listened and understood what we were saying.  I hope you are ready! 

I love how excited you are to see us!  When ever we come home from work or the store or where ever, you are waiting for us at the door with love and kisses.  Its so much fun to come home to you, even on a bad day. 

You love hiking, and everyone on the trail is always so impressed with your stamina and energy for such a little guy!  

You think your a big dog and love playing with all sorts of dog friends. 

When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you want to do when you get out of your kennel is find Nathan and give him love.  It's darling how much you love him.  

I love your fur!  Everyone comments on how pretty you are with your cool spots and your multicolored eyes.  And you have cute little cowlicks all over that make your fluffy fur stand out at weird angles.  You like being blow dried after a bath.  You're kind of prissy, I guess.  

You know this super cute trick called "show me your paws" where when you are laying on your back, we can ask you to show us your paws, and you will reach your two front paws up toward our faces as far as you can reach.  Its so funny.  

You get tuckered out when we go on walks that are longer than 2 miles.  Which is weird, cause you could hike for hours!  But when we are walking, and you are ready to be done, you drag and pant and act so miserable.  

This is why there are so many pictures of you asleep, because when I try to take pictures of you when you are awake, they just turn into a string of blurred samson-colored streaks.  When you are awake, you are on the move! 

You love hanging out at the front door and watching what goes on outside.  You protect us from strangers and announce the arrival of cello students. You get upset about birds that like to hang out on the lawn.  

When you're not sick of walking, you are a pretty awesome walking buddy.  You've gotten good at "leave it" and "slow" and "wait."  You love being able to walk without your leash on.  

You are a little beggar, which I don't love, but it's a big part of who you are these days.  You whine for food, and are pretty stealthy at stealing nums from unsuspecting victims.  When we are eating dinner, you wait on cue for when we start saying the dinner prayer, and then you cry throughout the whole prayer- Satan dog.  

You got kind of chunky in the winter and so we put you on diet food- which you now love even more than the not diet food.  And your looking so fit and healthy these days.  

You love Greenie dog treats.  And its so cute to watch you scarf them down as if they're not good for you.  

Remember how you fit into our stockings your first Christmas with us?  No chance of that happening Christmas 2012!  You've grown so much.  But your still so little and puppy-ish, which I love.  

You loved sitting on top of the heater vent all winter long.  Or in front of the space heater.  And it's so cute.  

You particularly love sitting like this on top of Nathan's legs.  His legs are the perfect length for your long body, and any time he is sitting like this- watching football, doing homework, reading a book, etc, I can find you right in that spot.  

Sam, basically it has been a joy having you with us this year.  I don't remember how boring our life must have been before you came into it, but you make us so happy.  You melt my heart at least on a weekly basis.  This year is going to bring lots of change to your world with a new baby in the family.  Hopefully you two will be pals, and not enemies.  We are going to do our best to help you feel like you're not replaced or left out or forgotten.  Because even though we're going to love this baby Girl like crazy, as Regina said in your song, we "loved you first!"